Sunday, November 13, 2016

Now why did....?

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A big reason for heart burn among many of us is the question “Now why did?”.

“Now why did he say that?”

“Now why did she ignore me?”

….and the list can go on and on..

I have found myself asking this question many times and find that our approach to it is an important one. This question might come about in a wide variety of circumstances when we observe another person – an unexpected decision, an inexplicable move considered foolish, an action significantly deviant from our own values.

The search for an answer to this question many times also causes us to form an opinion about the other. This seems inevitable doesn't it? After all, words and action do reveal character! And yet the fact of the matter is that we are more often than not (unless it is a clear case of violation of universal values) very poorly placed to judge motive of the other. We are not in their circumstance, we have not had their experiences, and we do not share their priorities or aspirations.

The question by itself is interesting since it offers possibilities as well. An analysis might reveal something about the circumstance, motivation and reasoning of the other person in what he or she did or spoke. If however this question is viewed in terms of a conflict between egos it can be very dividing - causing acrimony, anxiety and conflict.

Wisdom advises us to be dispassionate in life – and that is especially true when this question springs to our mind. It is worthwhile delving on this question to understand rather than to criticize.

Does this question surface in your mind often as well? How do you deal with it?

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